Wiggin' Out 'Bout it Wednesday: Don't Cry Out Loud (or do, I'm not your mother)

I tried to post this yesterday but I am a Destroyer of Technology® and couldn't get my phone or my computer to give this thing up. So let's pretend its Wednesday and we are wigging out like crazy over the following entry. Come with me, won't you?

**Fairy dust**

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I had written an entry a few days ago about my latest (and I hope to be last) trip to IKEA. I was all ready to post it and then something terrible happened in Boston and I didn't feel like sharing that entry anymore, just then.

Bloggers: such models of suffering.

Like a lot of people, I suspect, once I found out, I walked around with a heavy heart, sad for those who suffered, wondering how this latest event would change rules and regulations, opinions and conspiracies.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still angry and stunned at how vicious people manage to get heard much more often than the good, but I also felt steadfastedly determined to remember that I still absolutely believe the world to be a beautiful place.

I thought about what I do when things are terrible and the answer is: I cry. Which, I know, duh. But I tend to seek out things that make me cry even more. Not a sad, YouTubing-9/11-videos kind of cry, a "the world is marvellous, full of remarkable places and fantastic creatures and I just have to keep remembering that," cry. There's a difference - my sad sob is a semi-tone higher.

Sometimes there's nothing so cathartic as a good cry. Done in private, with a loved one, or at a company picnic in front of all your coworkers, letting it all out can be a great release that makes you feel a little bit lighter afterwards, if only for the massive amounts of liquid you (I) shed. And while it's always good to "cry it out" over something personally troubling, I also like a good generic happy cry. Many's the time TB has walked by me sitting in front of my laptop, tears running down my cheeks like a suck as I wave him away saying "it's okay, it's just something I'm watching".

If you, like me, need to chop some emotional onions, let me take you on a tour of the stuff that lets my tears out of eye jail.

1. Where the Hell is Matt?

I must have watched Matt's videos a dozen times apiece, but they always make me smile. This one, for my money, is the best one if you want to get your tears on. The evolution of Matt's videos are as follows: Matt dances funny. Then he travels places and dances funny. Then he gets other people to dance with him around the world. So simple, so enjoyable. 

Something about the ridiculousness of Matt's dance, coupled with the realization that the world and its people are so beautifully different, yet ultimately the same, all set to this sweeping musical track - sob city, people. Chills every time I watch it. 

2. Inside Every Good Dog is a Great Dog - Purina Commercial

If you know me, then you know I'm firmly Team Dog (sorry Team Ferret, I appreciated the fruit basket but no dice on switching sides). This video, dog food commercial though it might be, is a perfect illustration of why I love them. Dogs don't care if you're weird or blind or stuck in an avalanche, or lonely - they love you because you're you and because they're yours. Somewhere around the dog diving in the water I can feel a sort of heat behind my eyes and by the time we get to doggy dancing, I'm basically a melted Popsicle posing as a human.

3. Jim Henson Memorial - Jim's Favorite Songs

Ugh. There's no words to describe what a mess I become when I watch this. Well, "soggy batshit" comes close, so let's go with that. I'm a lover of Sesame Street and Muppets in general, and I remember when I was a kid finding out Jim Henson had died and knowing that that meant Kermit was dead and Ernie was dead and thanks to Sesame Street itself I knew none of them  were coming back .. let's say it's a miracle I'm not in therapy right now. Such a beautiful, adorable, heartfelt tribute to a man that was responsible for such a large part of my childhood. Oh, and don't look up Frank Oz's eulogy to Henson if you don't have shares in Kleenex.

So those are my top 3 "life is beautiful/life is beautiful but sad" tear-jerker videos. There are plenty more I'm forgetting, I'm sure, but those ones always get me in the ducts.

Honest request: if you have any happysad videos that make you a mess, please link them in the comments. I am always looking to add to my collection of headache-inducing sob videos.

At Least I've Got My Cooking: Comforting Puff Pastry Apple Thing

Literally less than an hour after I posted that last entry, all cheery and warmed and ready for the healing power of Mother Spring, I was howling in pain, clutching my hand and cursing everything I had ever cared for and anything anyone had ever loved.

Son of a bee-sting.

I was trying to be "green", for what it's worth. For two weeks I'd looked at this one, lonely apple sitting in my fruit bowl, steadfastedly refusing to go rotten, yet allowing its once-taught skin to grow slightly more saggy and wrinkled over time (we've all been there, apple, amiright?). "Forget that," I thought, "let's make you into something unhealthy!

I got together:

Half a sheet of puff pastry
One (1) sad-ass looking apple
1/3 of a block of low-fat cream cheese
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/8 c. of icing sugar
1/2 tsp of lemon juice

1. Forget to defrost the puff pastry for days at a time, cursing under your breath every day that you do. Finally remember to stick it in the fridge overnight. Declare victory over your own brains.

2. Cut the puff pastry in half (or use the whole thing and double the recipe - who am I, your mother?), pre-heat your oven to 350.

3. Mix together the icing sugar, cream cheese, cinnamon and lemon juice in a bowl until (mostly) smooth. I used low fat so it didn't cream as much as I wanted. I heated it up in a microwave beforehand, that kind of helped. I would have stirred it more rapidly and for longer but.. well, read ahead. Didn't really have my usual dexterity at my disposal.

4. Begin to peel the apple. Congratulate yourself on refusing to throw out less-than-stellar produce. While smugly smiling to yourself, jam the peeler back into your middle finger (yes, your favourite one) and whimper like a scolded puppy. Very quietly ask for Percocet, some gauze and a roll of medical tape. Settle for 3 migraine-strength tylenol, a paper towel and some duct tape.

5. Wonder why it doesn't hurt yet.

6. Stop wondering.

7. Make pathetic noises as you look at your once manicure-ready finger, now sporting a fingernail cracked about a third of the way down, exposing the skin underneath the nail and bleeding like it has something to prove.

8. Allow your partner to bandage you up, wincing and sucking air through your teeth the whole time. Get sweaty.

9. Beg your partner to finish the recipe which you now hate more than anything you have ever hated in your life. More than Glenn Beck. More than centipedes. Okay, not more than centipedes. Get him to peel the (stupid) apple and chop it into 1/2 inch cubes.

10. Place the (dumb) apple pieces and the cream cheese mixture in the middle of the puff pastry square, fold the pastry into the centre to make a "package" and bake for 30 minutes.

11. Allow to cool for 2-3 minutes and then (begrudgingly) serve while sniffling.

12. Voila.

Never long enough.

This is the last of my glorious 5-day long weekend and, man am I going to miss it. The stress at work, which has dissipated a bit but certainly not disappeared, coupled with my distrust of hand sanitizer were, I believe, the key factors in me getting sick juuuust before I got time off. Keen! Thursday was spent sniffling pitifully and then deciding "to hell with this" and going for a bajingo wax/Spring awakening. I know it's an unorthodox method, but I have to say, nothing clears up the sinuses faster than a slight and determined woman pulling hot wax strips off your pale, shivering body.

But snot factory/torture dungeon aside, I've had a wonderful few days. We've actually managed to be productive which, if you know either of us, is a miracle befitting this particular weekend. TB cleaned out the stove which was a lesson in carbon's tenacity (we only got the damn thing in December - why are we disgusting? Don't answer, please), hung some pictures and cleaned the kitchen counters. I tidied the front entrance, put away the winter coats (cue snowstorm), did 4 loads of laundry, hand-washed some blazers (true story, as soon as I typed that, I realized I hadn't taken my blazers out of the tub yet, yelled a bad word and ran to take them out - and they say blogging accomplishes nothing!), and am about to whip up a delicious (or massacre a perfectly good) first-time lasagna. We changed the sheets, went to not one, but two lamb-filled Easter dinners, got massages, went for tapas, made pancakes, slept in like crazy, overdosed on Breaking Bad and Freaks and Geeks and generally just enjoyed each other's company. I'm sad to have to go back tomorrow, but at least we have a week in May to look forward to in Toronto to see the Book of Mormon (yay!) and also to participate in a wedding (yay?) (oh, fine. Yay.) Plus I'm getting a haircut on Thursday which isn't something to look forward to personally as it is to everyone around me - especially those pulling my stray split-end laden hairs out of their mouths every few minutes. Sorry, TB.

I love that feeling of having the windows open and getting things accomplished that feels so "spring-y". I still can't stop tidying and fussing, unpacking from last week's business trip, contemplating making muffins, planning the week's dinners. Today's a bit of a downer, weather-wise, all doom and gloom with a wicked bit of wind, but you can tell good things are on the horizon. Things that smell like promise and sunshine and worm guts and blossoms and dog shit. Get it happenin' Spring - we're ready for ya!

Oh My God, I'm Back Again.

If you didn't immediately start humming this after reading the title,

I'm not sure we can be friends.

These last 2 weeks have been all-consuming, work-wise, and I'd like to say that I handled it with great grace and aplomb but mostly I just binge-watched It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and drank rum and diet cokes before noon. Tomato, tomahto.

Things have settled down now somewhat, which is a relief but now I've got to make some decisions about what I'm going to do for work next year. My job requires that I rotate in and out of different positions every few years and, after 2 years in my current job, I have to decide if that's enough, thankyouverymuch or whether I'll stick around another year. I'm making internal (and probably, eventually, external) pro-and-con lists because I'm honestly stumped, dudes. Making choices like this is not my strong suit - I over-analyze like mad, annoying all around me during the day and driving myself to distraction at night, letting my mind examine every possible outcome. I guess that tendency isn't exactly a fault in this case, as it's a big decision but I'm convinced that whatever choice I make, it'll be the wrong one. I'm pretty sure the repercussions of this decision will reverberate through my and TB's lives for the years to come so it's not a decision I'm taking lightly. But also? Fart jokes.

On the heels of that stress I've decided to take Thursday off in order to make the long weekend an extra long weekend, which may be one of the single greatest decisions I've ever made - up there with the time I bought a tub of cookie dough off a figure skater and my choice to slowly replace all my dress pants with elasticized leggings. 2 family dinners + waxing appointment + haircut + cleaning = needing an extra day to watch Classic Concentration episodes on YouTube and paint my nails. Priorities, people.

Now its off to bed to sleep off my yoga aches and dream about a future filled with mini eggs and matzoh balls (I am a woman of complicated tastes)

Go Time! (aka Please make it stop time)

These are the times that try men's souls.

I don't know whether it's because it's end of fiscal or whether there's some kind of freaky pheromone coursing through our veins (brains? stem cells? Not a scientitian.) that coincides with the onset of Spring or whether maybe just, maybe, the Mayans were right about the apocalypse but forgot to carry the 1 and were 3 months off but.. jeezus. Go ahead, try asking someone how they are right now. Know how they'll answer?

They won't. They'll already be dead. You'll be talking to a dead person like the ending of a particularly half-assed episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

Everyone is exhausted right now. And everyone who's past exhausted is crying. And everyone who's not crying is dead. And you're TALKING TO THEM!

I'm really trying to make that spooky ending thing happen. It's not happening, I know. I'll drop it.

This has been the busiest period of my life at work, I think. It's stressful and jam-packed and sometimes people just cry and I don't even know anymore. I come home and have tacos watch bad Canadian game shows with TB and hope that it all ends. I've lined up so many things to do after this particular storm has passed that I don't even think I'll have time for them all. Some of them started out as "treats" and, after some reflection, they're more of just "personal things you should probably be doing anyway but don't have time for right now." Like, using a new shower gel or getting a massage? Treat yo' self! Getting a haircut and scheduling a bajingo wax? Less so. And lately it's just devolved into "When next week is over I'm going to treat myself to a carton of 1% milk!" or "Come Monday, I'm going to be flossing like no one's business!"

gifs from: everyonewillmakemovies.tumblr.com

Conspicuously absent?- Wash Hair! - Organize socks into pairs! - Find bobby pin you dropped behind the couch!

I've clearly got a long way to go before I'm any good at this self-pampering hooey.

Honestly, just the best way I've found to get through periods like this is to try and focus on something (or things) in the future that will make you happy. And this year's got a lot of potential. I got my tickets to this in the mail today (purchased before Sewergate 2013 - sorry, not sorry?) so that's one thing. And I still plan on taking a little vacation (not the sprawling European sojourn we had planned, unfortunately, but maybe next year) sometime in August so there's that. And hopefully seeing some of my favourite people whom I love and admire and sorely miss. And frankly, at this point, just the idea of them plus future alcohol puts a smile on my face so there's always that. Always ALWAYS that.

So until then it's all just focusing on the "in", making sure it's followed shortly by an "out" and making sure all my screams are silent ones. Night, lovelies!

The Eleventh Hour Warrior

Hello cyberfollowers. I hope you haven't missed my daily chatters as you read your weblogs on the Internet.

I miss the days when the internet was still new and everything flashy had to have a cyber- or e- at the beginning of it. Let's return back to the days when companies still implored you to visit them on the "world wide web", while reciting an address that always started with "aitch tee tee pee, colon, backslash backslash", shall we?

Okay, that was a distraction. Back to business.

I won't apologize for not writing here because, frankly, that's what made me start to resent my last blog. I'll just say I'm happy to have a spare moment again and I had a good little break The last week has been kind of a whirl of activity in my real life, almost all work-related, since my job involves work on Venezuela and if you follow the news it was kind of a crazy week for them, too.

I like being busy, overall. I mean, it would have been nice to have lunch before 3:30 some days, and I never like sleeping next to my Blackberry but for a few days a crazy pace makes me feel invincible - like I can do anything as long as the deadline is tight and I know basically what's expected of me. I've never started a project more than a few days before the due date since I was 8 years old, so I don't really thrive under vague deadlines or with lengthy projects. I mean, I can do them all right, but really, my best (though probably least-proofread) work is done when I've got no time at all. Give me a deadline of 30 minutes ago, and I'm happy to churn out a speech. Give me two months to write a photo caption and I'll end up drawing a cartoon in Paint.

So basically this week, while being stressful as all get out, was the time you were most likely to see me with a grin on my face as I raced through the halls with a file folder under my arm and a pen tucked behind my ear. Additionally, I've got a solid team who tells me when I'm doing good work and doesn't expect me to move mountains, especially in a reactive position such as mine and that's so important with things like this. I mean, I'll carry the world on my shoulders for ya, just don't expect me to keep it turning, too, y'know?

Things have kind of quieted down now (I had originally typed "died down" but thought better of it *collar pull*), and the project I'm left with is one I would have liked to have had done a week ago, but, well, y'know, last minute bandit at all. I hope that same power that kicked in this week will carry me through the next two - some of the most stressful of the entire year for me. Hopefully I'll still have time to "surf the web" as an "internaut" :oP <--- emoticon!

Okay, I'll stop trying to make "fetch" happen.

And, no matter your opinion of Hugo Chavez, you have to admit : he had one of the catchiest campaign songs of all time. It may or may not still be my ringtone.

Challenge #2 Wrap-Up: Frugal February

So the 28th also marked the end of Frugal February, and I have to say: I never realized how terrible I am at all of this.

I mean, my god, people -this was a struggle. And I didn't even succeed all the way!

The elephant in the room is the fact that, no matter how I spin this past month, our plumbing issues meant we still put a metric butt-tonne (real number) on the line of credit so we're in more debt than when we started. But that was largely unforeseen and sadly necessary so let's focus on what we did that we had some modicum of control over and not on what involved a beef jerky bag full of soiled toilet paper.

Ahem.

So let's get right to the meat of the matter: How did I do with my goals?

1.Taxis -FAIL

Let's get a big ol' pile of suck out of the way right off the top. In January I took about 12 cabs, and spent about $110. In February I took about 12 cabs and spent about $110. You can take the girl out of Spendville but you can't take the laziness out of the girl. The only two positives I can take away from this are 1) 4-5 of those cabs are in direct response to the work we had done on the house. I had to make some mad-cap bank runs, stay late at work to make up for time lost and go in late in the morning to let workmen enter. In a "normal" month, I would have done much better. 2) none of those were put on my Visa this month, which means I paid out of pocket for all of them. Small victories, people.

2. Coupons - MODERATE SUCCESS

My goal was to use 6 coupons by the end of the month and I used 5. They were all for things I already needed: yogurt, egg whites, laundry detergent, dishwasher detergent, and pasta. I organized the ones I had, threw out the ones I likely wouldn't use and then started bringing them to the store with me. I think I'm going to start following my sister's lead and put the few that are expiring soon in my wallet so that I don't forget about them. While I fell one short of my goal, I'm putting this in the "win" column.

3. Pretty frock purchases - NOT GREAT, BUT OKAY

The beginning of February was rife with situations in which my sister would yell "FRUGAL FEBRUARY!" at me every time I even opened up a website that had ability to sell me objects. By the end of the month, all she had to do was shake her head and frown and I'd sadly close the window and go back to playing Spider Solitaire. Eventually, I did cave a bit and bought a sweater dress, pants and 2 pair of shoes. That doesn't sound like a success but for me, it was practically a miracle. One pair of shoes were part of a one-day sale of 50% off and I'd had my eye on them for months; the others were also 50% off. The pants were an exact replacement of my favourite pair that ripped on Frugal February Day 2 and were 30% off. The dress was also 30% off and was the result of having to throw out 2 of my only casual dresses due to wear and tear (and weird ketchup stains??) and this was a direct replacement. To offset these buys I gave away 6 more items to charity and threw away 2 or 3 additional pieces that were too worn to give to anyone. Yes, I was not perfect but I was much more measured than I'd ever been.

I think shopping is kind of like fast food for me: I can avoid it okay as long as I don't start doing it. No, I make sense. Like, I haven't had McDonald's in months, but if I cave and have it even once then I know I'll basically spend the rest of the month fishing Big Mac wrappers out of the trash just to sniff them. As soon as I finished my one-day shopping spree, I definitely found myself back on shopping websites and gazing at store windows. Happy to say I didn't fall for it. It took some concentration but I think this new-found will power when it comes to spending will stick around for a bit. I made a real, concerted effort to "shop my closet" this month and I re-organized my closet by colour so now I think I can get the thrill of a new outfit without having, you know, a new outfit. Plus it made it very clear when I was "missing something" in my wardrobe (ie: casual dresses). I'm going to try and keep this up.

4. Eating Out -SUCCESS

Image courtesy of: http://mydarlingangelgabriel.tumblr.com/

Totally proud of myself here. My goal was to only eat out/take in 6 times this month and I'm happy to report I stuck to those numbers. I'm choosing not to count Valentine's Day dinner (since I didn't pay for it and it was my 'gift') and the Dishcrawl, since we paid for that over a month in advance so it was well paid-off before it happened. We took in 3 times (Indian twice and pizza once) and I paid to eat out 3 times (once for coffee with a friend, once out for lunch with the sister for Galentine's, and the last day of the month to a sports bar with my family). On top of that, I also cut down my meals in the cafeteria by a big margin, going from a visit 3-4 times a week to once a week.

I'm really proud of this one because, other than taxis in the cold months, it's the hardest one to break. Eating out is easy and fun and doing it 3 times a week didn't seem like a big deal. But on top of being financially difficult to maintain, eating take out and restaurant food has.. how shall I put this delicately.. made my ass a big flabby chubbathon. I've gained a decent amount of weight since this time last year and I'm trying to put an end to that because frankly, my clothes are damn cute.

Planning our meals has been one of the best fighters against going out. It also makes me realize that when my mom got all pissy about making dinner when we were younger, it was less about the pain of making dinner and more about the agony of deciding what's for dinner. Seriously. Making decisions on the daily is for the birds. We've utilized my slow cooker a lot, and made beef pot pie, ribs, sweet potato soup, and homemade spaghetti sauce. All awesome. We're going to keep up the menu planning beyond Frugal February as it totally works for us and has kept our grocery excursions short which is a blessing for two people with short attention spans and an aversion to crowds. This also works out well for the college students in line ahead of us buying 30 cans of beans because a happy us means we're less likely to trip them accidentally-on-purpose.

5. No "Lazy" Fines - MODERATE SUCCESS

Lazy fines was all about curbing the user fees, late fees and any other little charges one accrues for being a lazy butt. I was good about some, but bad about others. I decided not to take out library books since I had books here I still have to read. I took out money twice from the machines at work but since my bank account allows for up to 2 free withdrawals a month that wasn't too bad. I'm going to count the annoying $1.50 that gets added on every time I paid for a cab with debit so that was a bit of an annoyance. But overall, nothing too aggravating and I became aware of where I was spending those little chunks of change.


General Successes:

Put $400 in my savings account
Put $400 on my credit card
6 "no spend" days.

General Failures:
See aforementioned pipe issues *grumble*
I stopped writing down what I was spending - and that made things harder to keep track of
22 "livin' like a Rockefeller days" ;)

So, TL;DR? I think Frugal February was a good idea and I'm glad I participated. I'm happy to try and incorporate these changes into my daily life and I'm even going to try to amp it up a bit later on... Broke-tober anyone?